There was something seriously wrong with me. I was deeply unhappy, afraid of the world, resentful of other people, and blamed everyone but myself for my problems. I wasn’t eating, I spent much of my day in tears, I was consumed by thoughts that the world would be better off without me… oh, and I was drinking. A lot. Funny to say in hindsight, but at the time, the drinking felt like a background problem. What my real problem was, everyone agreed, was that I was mentally ill. 

During these unprecedented times, the covid pandemic, so many people have experienced; loss of loved ones, loss of jobs, structured routines, and self eventually leading to increasing numbers of people turning to alcohol to pass the day and cope with drastic change.

Almost everyone I met early in AA warned me I would lose anything I put in front of my sobriety and not to spend time in places where people drank. But I enjoyed cruises so much. I knew from years of going on cruises that most of the space was bedrooms, bars and restaurants. And the bedrooms and restaurants all had their own bars. I made good use of those bars and the all inclusive drink packages the cruise lines offered. No matter what cruise day I always averaged between 23 and 26 drinks a day...

Being sober for me is a way of life now. Yet...I had no idea what to expect when  I went to my first AA meeting. I was 26. I went because I couldn’t stop drinking and drugging and I wanted the emotional pain to stop. I was shattered emotionally. I hated myself and I was filled with so much guilt and shame. I couldn’t believe that drinking and driving had become a way of life for me. I was ashamed of all the lives I put in jeopardy when I drank. Once I took that first drink....I lost all though...